Hello Lovers… this week you’re going to get a look inside of me… I’m going to reveal a side of myself that you may not know existed. In fact it exists in most women.. I hope that this blog does not make you uncomfortable, but I think it is also important if you’re going to follow me, you know more about me and who I am…
To model again, or not to model again… that has been the question of the last few months. It has been a question that I have battled with over and over. I have a strong desire to model again.. but I’m struggling with the confidence to do it. Confidence has always been a struggle for me…. and even when I modeled before I would have never believed that anyone would have wanted to see modeling pics of me. Yet somehow, interestingly.. I learned that there were people who were interested in my photos, I’m actually quite proud of the fanbase that I had developed. I do hope to reconnect with some of those people. (I’m happy to say that process has already begun)
As I’ve been battling my demons the last couple of months I’ve found it interesting to hear some of the other ladies that Sexy Man works closely with have some of the same demons… these are incredibly beautiful and sexy women. Interestingly.. it would seem that most ALL women have a negative body image toward themselves. It’s not just me?? hmmmm
I still have a lot of insecurities about my body, Cancer was not kind to me.. the treatments I received caused me to gain weight… a lot of it. No amount of diet or exercise seemed to matter. I seemed helpless to watch the scale inch higher and higher… as I tossed out some of my favorite outfits because they simply no longer fit me.. and then repeated the process a size later, and again…
Recently…as if by magic… the weight started falling off Sexy Man says its because I’m in love… but I don’t know. I cut a lot out of my diet, and started working again… but I don’t really know the answer. I love feeling healthier, and having energy… I just wish I looked better. I’ve shrunk out of my clothes again.. two or more sizes and my wardrobe is looking a little frumpy on me again..
keep reminding myself that even before.. when I thought no one would notice, plenty of people did. In my lifestyle… which we will talk about soon… I thought that no one would notice or want me… and I’ve discovered that isn’t the case either. I keep telling myself that will be the case in this new modeling endeavor as well.
What I’ve learned is this… Sexiness doesn’t come from being skinny, or from being exceptionally beautiful sexiness comes from confidence. I’ve come to be more comfortable in my own skin… after all it’s the only skin I’ve got. All of the wishing in the world won’t make my skin smooth and tight nor will it magically relocate my boobs to their proper place on my chest…. yet my play friends still manage to find some interest in me. I don’t know why..
A friend recently told me… and wiser words were never spoken.. “I am who I choose to be, and I think it shows in the flesh. If you think you are delicious, you act delicious, and therefore others see your deliciousness…. and it applies to almost everything in life… for example I think I’m fun to fuck, I act like I’m fun to fuck, now you and everyone knows that I’m fun to fuck….”
This works for men as well as women… Men… keep telling yourselves, you’re handsome and sexy.. build your confidence and women will start to see you as sexy
Beauty and sexiness starts in your head.. you are who you choose to be.. feel it… then become it, and that is how others will see you.
There was a time when I would have never wore clothing that would have been revealing in public. Writing this blog post has helped me to realize just how far I’ve come.. and so as I was getting ready to go out to our favorite club last night.. I decided to step up my game a bit.. and really show where that confidence has brought me. The photos that go with this post are actual photos shot last night, from last nights outing… I was wearing a see through lingerie piece, with no panties.. it was very exciting to walk around the club knowing that with every step, ever passing breeze.. I was teasing the boys with glimpses of my ass… SexyMan noticed quite a few people that were stealing glances… Enjoy the photos lovers…. see you again here soon!
EllieLove Returns
I am super excited to have my original model working again…. this would be my lovely wife.. we call her EllieLove in her modeling. Those of you who know her real name.. please don’t mention it. After months of consideration.. she decided that she wants to get into modeling again. She misses the interaction with fans, and she has a message now that she didn’t have before. Fair warning to my friends and family.. she’s also turning the sexiness up a notch.. so don’t dig deeper than you want to see. We’ve been working hard to build her EllieLove presence.. and she now has a website, tumblr page, and a facebook page. There will be other places to find her, but I will let her tell you about them, and what her message is.. please feel free to visit her website at http://ellielovelive.com . Be sure to like her page at http://facebook.com/ellielovelive Right now she’s talking about how she first got into modeling and why she had to quit. She’ll be delving into deeper and sexier subjects soon… many of you will probably get a bit of a glimpse into our private lives. Again… don’t visit if you don’t want to see it or hear about it.. any of you who know my lovely wife know she’s not afraid to share…
We’ve started with a wetlook photo set. Wetlook, again.. is where I got my start. I especially loved, still do really, to shoot SEXY wetlook… and while digging around in some of her old stuff I found this gem. Actually I cropped it out of a wider shot.. lets just say I made it “better”. We shot this on a warm summer day, this creek was so crystal clear and cold… and I had a nice high rock that I could stand on to get a great vantage point. The best part.. we had it all to ourselves… This is perhaps, one of my most favorite photos of my dear EllieLove… she is truly amazing… I hope that you love it as much as I do :) Comments welcome as long as they are respectful.
Criticise me… but do not criticise my models please.
Michele Renatta - PassionateArtisan
Here is a favorite image from a recent shoot with Michele Renatta and our One Light Wonderful workshop. I love working with just a single light and the dramatic effects that can be created.
This image is one of my Artistic works that is available to purchase, please visit the Gallery Store for more details.
Behind the Scenes with Nixie and DKImagery
This is one of my favorite behind the scenes photos from Denise’s visit to Studio505 and MJDigitalArt. Here she is showing Nixie her shot and discussing how they can improve on it.
Soft and Wet.....
Here’s one of our favorite images from the weekend shoot with Denise Knudsen of DKImagery.net .
This was a very interesting concept and really appeals to my love of sexy wetness as well as my taste for artistic nude photography. In this image we took a wet sheet and threw it over the lovely and brave Michele Renatta to get that wet wrinkled look over her wet skin. The look is fantastic!
This image has been heavily processed in both Lightroom and in Photoshop. First we cropped for composition, then applied an antique black and white effect.. then transferred to photoshop for some more intense tweaking using a Midnight Sepia action. The techniques applied in post really popped the contrast and made the beautiful texture of the wrinkled sheet stand out against her soft wet skin.
Nixie - Sweater and Leg-Warmers
I’m having bittersweet feelings as I’m writing my blog post tonight…. tonight is the last night my gallery show will be hanging at Club Sesso. Monday the art committee comes in and changes out the artwork, and a new artist will get to have the priviledge of having their artwork hanging in the club for the next two months. I am really pleased because I have gotten a lot of wonderful feedback and compliments from members of the club, and it is interested to overhear people talking about the artwork.. not realizing that the artist is within earshot. So many wonderful things have been said.. and it is VERY gratifying to me to see and hear that people have enjoyed having my work hanging at the club. Indeed I was asked just last night if I’ve put in for another show yet. I am definitely interested… but we haven’t even begunour newest project yet… we’ll be kicking that one off very soon!!
Moving on…. I owe you all an apology… I promised that I would share this set with you a few weeks ago and then things got VERY busy for me. We picked up a few clients from our art show.. so we’ve been working hard on their sets, and work at my regular job has been particularly demanding here the last few weeks, and will continue to be so for the next couple of weeks… On top of that the social life has been pretty hoppin busy too… gotta make some time for personal and family life right? So… regrettably.. I’ve been neglecting my fans… so I’m going to treat you to a great photo from this set…. but first… a little about the set…
Sometimes the coolest ideas, are also the most simple ones… it started with a pair of leg warmers… Nix found a pair of leg warmers she loved.. and she was wearing them around one day… with nothing else of course. (Just ‘cause that’s how she rolls) and thought that it would make kind of a cool idea for a photo shoot. She had a hooded sweater to match.. and when she told me about it, I was instantly inspired. I love the irony between being mostly nude… but then wearing a sweater and leg warmers… not to mention, sexy as hell!
This is my second favorite image from the Nixie - Sweater and Leg-Warmers set, my favorite being the one actually hanging at the club. I love this image… I believe that a sex positive woman is a powerful thing… and I love the confidence that this image depicts. She’s not afraid of her nudity.. she embraces it and is totally comfortable with it. Nix is a confident woman, who has endured a lot in her life… she has earned the right to feel confident and powerful. With these photo shoots she is becoming even more confident with her body, and her craft.. she is truly a wonderful model to work with.
If you follow the photo you will be taken to the gallery where the rest of the photos from this session can be found. They are there for your enjoyment, but if this image or any other strikes you.. I would encourage you to purchase a print. The money we make from print sales helps offset the cost of maintaining this site, as well as a very expensive photography habit.. of course we split the profit with the models too. If you would like to see the rest of the photos from the gallery show… click here.
If you missed the Art exhibit.. its a shame… you’ve missed a great opportunity to see the art in its natural habitat… Portland’s hottest adult nightclub.. I would encourage you to check out the new artists work on Thursday April 4th at 6pm.. admission is free, and you’ll get a sneak peek into Club Sesso… but if you really want to get a glimpse of what this club is about.. hang around pay the cover, and check out the party after the doors close…. :)
A Busy Weekend
It was a long productive weekend at Studio505 this weekend. My good friend Denise Knudsen, a fantastic photographer and graphic design artist came down to work with some of our girls for an upcoming gallery show she is putting together. We had a great weekend working with RoxyLove, NixieLive, Bree, Michele Renatta, and Emily. I was so proud of these wonderful ladies and the incredible professionalism and skills they gave her. They’ve all been working hard at improving their craft and it shows in the work they have produced. Denise was genuinely impressed with each and every one of them… and was quite surprised to hear that most of them hadn’t really done much professional modeling. She was amazed at how easy the girls were to work with and how quickly that they got comfortable with her. Indeed.. we’ve brought her into our fold and she has become one of us :)
A special thank you to all of the ladies for their hard work… you all are incredible.. and I am very lucky to work with you all… even more lucky to think of you as part of my family. I love each of you dearly..
Another special thank you to my good friend Katie Arnold for bringing us such wonderful goodies from Elephant Deli and Catering… so much food.. it was every bit as much feast as it was a model shootout!! You’re amazing girl.. thank you so much!!
I’d also like to shout out a thank you to my good friend Charles Wilson who owns, Ashlings Closet… he dropped by and left us a couple of wonderful outfits for the ladies to use… if you are looking for some great sexy clothes or toys… be sure to check out his site!!
Lastly… I’d like to thank my wonderful friend Denise Knudsen for being so wonderfully patient with the girls, and for putting together such wonderful ideas… and then working so hard to make them happen. I’ve done these marathon shoots myself before, and I know it’s no easy task.. you put it together on short notice, and managed to make it happen… you’re an amazing artist, and an even more amazing person. I adore you more than you possibly know.. and I am excited to help you get this showing. I hope that it is every bit as much an exciting and uplifting experience for you as it was for me… you deserve it!
To my wonderful followers… please watch for news of Denise’s showing here locally.. I’ll announce it here when we get a date for her.. and then come and support her showing. She’s an amazing artist, and the work you will see is beautiful… every bit as beautiful as my own.. if not more so.
Now… I’m off to bed.. its been an amazing weekend.. two incredibly long days… but very rewarding days knowing that so many great things have been accomplished.. I cannot wait until you get to see them!
Nixie -Sweater & Leg Warmers
One of my faves from Nixie’s Leg Warmer set…. she’s so incredibly sexy!!
A little kink in the show....
We had known for months that we had the gallery show at Sesso and so we had the opportunity to really pay attention to what the other artists had submitted. Every time a new artists show was hung up, I noticed a strong BDSM element to their display… but not much that depeict the sensuality and freedom of the open swinging lifestyle. I wanted my show to be different…. My goal was to create a gallery showing that depicted a more sensual side of the lifestyle, but also the people that are in it. It was a lot of fun working with people from the club, to have photos to hang in the club… I hoped that people would relate to my photography better when they realized that the people depicted in the photos were their friends…
At some point as I was going through my photos, and deciding which photos I wanted to use, I realized that I had been as guilty of overlooking the kink crowd as former artists had been of overlooking the swing crowd. With this in mind, I scheduled a quick session with Dragonfly, one of our most prominent kinksters, for a photoshoot. I had a photo that I had in mind that I wanted to do… and it would require the assistance of a rope guy… Dragonfly knew several of them and started putting out the word. We ended up with Lord Darkfire and he did a fantastic job of not only giving us some great ropework, but also posed for a couple of shots for us as well.
My inspiration photo went off perfectly, and once we got that one done, we went into creative mode. Dragonfly had her eye on the old wooden ladder we keep in the studio for any high work we do, and between the three of us we came up with an interesting rigging concept that we felt might work. The problem was… lighting it. I struggled with various different lighting configurations and grew increasingly frustrated because I could see a shot there.. I just couldn’t get it how I wanted in camera. To make matters worse.. the way we had Dragonfly tied up was done in such a way that she was starting to lose circulation in her elevated hand… I was running out of time. In frustration I kind of smacked/shoved my softbox back… and the light spilled across the wall behind the scene, and I saw it in an instant… Dragonfly and the ladder were both silhoutted against the wall.. it was perfect. I snapped the shot and was instantly inspired.. a couple of minor adjustments later and we had the shot. Its one of my favorite shots of the whole show and it was a result of the anguish and frustration of knowing we might have never gotten the shot. Sometimes I can see a shot in my head and know perfectly how to light it and create the mood and feel that I want… sometimes I don’t even know the mood or feel that I want.. I just see a good shot and have to work through it. This shot with the ladder was definitely one of those. A certain amount of experimentation comes into play and knowing the properties of lighting come in handy when you see the shot starting to develop, and need to fine tune your adjustments.
A special Thank You to Dragonfly for coming out and doing a shoot with me on such short notice. We’ve got some wonderful photos from this quick impromptu session, some of my favorites for sure!
The best part of this whole session is that I got 4 really great photos. 3 of which added a very nice BDSM touch to my show… sure maybe a little off the hardcore mark, but I think they are a great representation of my tastes in BDSM photography, and we’ve gotten some photos that we are both very proud of. I’m really happy with how well they have rounded out my selections at the Gallery, and show diversity in my work. I hope that you all love them as much as I do.
If you would like to see my gallery show live and in person, you’ll have to visit Club Sesso at 824 SW First St, Portland, OR. It is a members only club, so you will have to sign up as a member, pay a modest membership fee, and a door fee that varies depending on the day. You’ll get access to the club to see my work, and you’ll also be stepping into one of Portlands Hottest and Sexiest night clubs. The people there are fantastic, the food is great, and the drinks are all top shelf. My show will be there for about 3 more weeks, and then its gone. Hope to see you there!